When You've Said Nothing At All

Listening, relating and reaching out to people has been always been somewhat my natural ability. Most of the time, I have been able to make sense of many complex situations, appreciate the sentiments and provide the needed encouragement, understanding and comfort. I will always have something to say.

I will always have something to say until the day when my dear childhood friend passed away April this year. My conscience has been constantly pricked for my incompetence to utter something or in fact, anything that could express my grieve for his death. Also, that I had failed to provide comfort and relief from grieve for my friend’s parents and wife as a result of my speechlessness.

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A usual hectic morning in the office:

I was busily making preparations for a meeting scheduled at 0930hrs. My phone rang and I noticed from the caller ID that it was from my childhood friend whom I had dinner with two days ago. However, I was surprised that the voice on the other end of the line was that of his wife.

In a calm and composed voice, she informed me that my friend had passed on.

"Passed on?" I repeated the word while mentally searched for the meaning of the word.

Suddenly, I heard a sob on the line and it had strucked me abruptly. He is dead. He had "passed on". My mind was blanked for a few seconds, which seemed like eternity and my face numbed. I opened my mouth trying to say something. No comforting words were uttered. I was dumbfounded……

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At the friend’s house where we had wine and recounted some good memories just two days ago:

As I entered into his house, his parents and wife greeted me at the doorway. Their faces were etched with signs of immense grieve and their eyes were swollen with tears. There was so much grieve and so much pain.

" But he is so young….", his mother wept. ( I will always remember these words)

My heart sank and I wanted very much to say something to comfort them but there was nothing. I was at loss for words……..

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An article read on the Internet today:

"In the Bible we are told that during Job’s time of grieving, his three friends came to mourn with him and to comfort him. For the first 7 days sat and wept with him because he was in deep sorrow (Job 2:11-13). "No one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great" (v.13). Their presence alone was a comfort to him."


I hoped it is true that my silent presence alone would somehow have brought comfort to them…..

Auntie Wisdom

It was the time of the month where I had to purchase my season parking coupon. The queue in the HDB Area Office was especially long during this time of the month and I had waited 45mins (Yes…I’ve prayed for patience).

While I was "patiently" waiting to be served, an auntie who was queuing in front of me suddenly turn to another auntie who was behind me and asked her, " Are you XXX?"

" Yes!" exclaimed the one behind me.

Since that moment, their conversation kept me entertained for about half an hour.

Imagine me sandwiched helplessly between the two aunties who were oblivious of my presence and chatted mindlessly away. They had made me felt like I grew up "eating glass and drinking tap water"…i.e.… TRANSPARENT. (I know…patience)

From their conversation, I gathered that the two aunties were once very intimate friends. However, they had lost contact after one of them went to China for work 6 years ago. Their conversation started from the warm up phase of asking each other about their husbands and kids; to the peak of reminiscing the good old times that they had shared. While talking about the old times, you could see that their eyes sparkled and images of their shared past seemed to have been projected in their eyes. As they spoke excitedly, you could also hear the pitch of their conversation scaled from one octave to another.

Finally, it was the auntie in the front’s turn to be served. After she had bought her season parking coupon, she turned to her friend and both gave each other a faint smile while politely nodding their head. No goodbyes or requests for future contact. Normalcy to their usual life seemed to have been reinstated immediately from that moment.

For a while, I was dumb-stricken with such callousness displayed by the aunties. But after further contemplation later in the day, I guessed I was slightly enlightened by their action…

Reminiscence often brings about a mixed emotion of bittersweetness. Sweet because of the good memories shared. Bitter as the memories are in the past where you know that you cannot go back in time. Sweet again because such memories are treasured as it cannot be replicated. Bitter again as the memories are your treasures but sadly you can no longer be a part of it.

Perhaps, the aunties were wise afterall... instead of lingering and holding on to the past to the extent of being overly sentimental and detrimental to thier daily lives, they moved on… till their next chance encounter.

Beautiful In My Eyes